If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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