last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
worst night to have a conscience
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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