Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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