omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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