Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize