Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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