lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize