JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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