Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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