matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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