I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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