you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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