Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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