and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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