wanna go halves on a baby?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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