The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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