he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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