ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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