i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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