yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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