I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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