I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im six kinds of drunk right now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize