When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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