this will be a night to untag.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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