Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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