i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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