We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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