dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize