I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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