Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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