its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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