Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
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What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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