What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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