Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(307): View more from Wyoming

mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

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(307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k

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(314): View more from Missouri

There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.

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(314): There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already. http://tfl.nu/afo0

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(863): View more from Florida

We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.

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(863): We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits. http://tfl.nu/7sfp

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me

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(651): I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me http://tfl.nu/s22y

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(205): View more from Alabama

I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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(205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it

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(717): if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it http://tfl.nu/n58g

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(256): View more from Alabama

I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.

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(256): I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly. http://tfl.nu/2jju

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(620): View more from Kansas

Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

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(620): Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians. http://tfl.nu/2mf6

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(408): View more from California

I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.

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(408): I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER. http://tfl.nu/adi1

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.

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(856): Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws. http://tfl.nu/oz69

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(606): View more from Kentucky

after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.

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(606): after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls. http://tfl.nu/ni37

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(713): View more from Texas

It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution

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(713): It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution http://tfl.nu/g3ws

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.

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(515): I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun. http://tfl.nu/37p2

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(775): View more from Nevada

He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks

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(775): He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks http://tfl.nu/jztr

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(503): View more from Oregon

Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!

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(503): Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered! http://tfl.nu/55g9

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