I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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