His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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