How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize