At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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