My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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