How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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