Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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