is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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