My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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