I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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