The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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