I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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