I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
only you would photoshop your dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize