And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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