I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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