I love black thongs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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